Dodge & Burn

Anniversary: : “The annual recurrence of a date marking a notable event.” Merriam-Webster

One year ago today, with a heavy and uncertain heart, I closed down the Visitor Services operation at the Colorado Statehouse due to the Covid-19 pandemic. Thinking at the time this might just be for a few weeks, never comprehending a date of reopening would still be uncertain at the same time the following year.

Austin and Mya college students and Carson in 10th grade, would not participate in a classroom with their peers and friends for the foreseeable future. Their resilience is remarkable and inspiring.

Drive by graduation, birthday, baby shower and retirement celebrations would become the norm.

I never fathomed what it might be like to experience the trauma of a sustained health crisis, human liberty unrest, economic uncertainty, and an attempted insurrection of the legislative branch of the US government to overturn an election along with everyone else in the world.

How naive and negligent I was to not be more cognizant of the on going racial injustice that happens to innocent people of color every single day. Did it really take a lock down to bring my attention fully to the disparity? Regretfully, the answer is yes. Yes, the lock down was inconvenient, frightening, and consuming but what if I didn’t have the security of the many things I take for granted? I don’t have to worry about being profiled if I decide to go out for a jog in my hoody, or bird watch, or be walking home on a dark night. No human should have to.

It was incomprehensible to imagine more than a half a million people in the US alone would be dead due to a virus.

Unfortunately, I think I have more questions than answers about all of this.

It seemed wrong to let this day go by undocumented. Uncertainty still abounds. Early on in the pandemic, I documented our days of “social distancing” until one day I didn’t. I suppose it felt a little silly, with no end in sight, to keep snapping photos of the things we were trying to do to get to the next day. Things that made us appear happy and getting by just fine. But eventually, I guess the reality was too difficult to capture.

The entire world is experiencing collective trauma.

I miss the days early on when it seemed that communities were so close. Hollering on our door steps at 7:00 for health care workers. I know it was a simple gesture but I hope we get back to some semblance of that. It seems like supporting each other is the right thing to do.

We are good and we are grateful for all that we have and all who support us but our hearts are heavy for those whose experience is not the same.

Anniversaries became more important to me when my sister died. Her death was devastating for me, our family, and her friends. I didn’t know how to go on without my best friend and confidant. Yet someway, somehow time went on. Still after all of this time, not a day goes by that I don’t miss her.

How will we mark this time next year? I’m not sure but am hopeful we will all help one another be better for what we have experienced.

March 2020-March 2021